So Hard To Say I Love You
by MagicallyChallenged
Summary: Its hard to say goodbye to the one you love, its even harder when its the only person who has ever loved you. Jacks daughter finds out the hard way.
1. Chapter 1

This is a one shot dedicated to Mikachoo!! Hope you like it, and thanks for everything. XxXxXx

So this is it she thought staring at the huge room filled with blue and white streamers and baloons. It had been 16 Years and this was the first reunion she had been to. Her father told her every year that he didn't want to rememnise about those days, those days when he barely knew himself. She had laways been curious as to why, but knowing her father and loving him for who he was... that was enough for her. He had passed away a month ago, it had been hard... really hard but somehow she had gotten through it. She was living with relatives now, but it wasn't the same. Now here she stood in a room full of people who knew him, but she didn't know them. It was strange, she kept hearing people mention his name and talking about him. Looking round as if he'd show for the first time. He wouldn't though. I'm all thats left of him now she thought slowly making her way across the room.

None of these people had come to her dads funeral, that was mainly because none of them knew. When she was younger she found it strange living in a place where her aceent stood out. She had slowly developed what her father called "a British Accent with a hint of American". She had loved living there though, she had loved it just ebing her and her dad. Occasionally her Aunt and Uncle would visit, bringing with them cousin after cousin to visit. She often felt bad that she too didn't have a brother or sister. She had asked her father, one day when she was about seven, she had asked him why she didn't have any siblings. He had sat her on his knee and told her that he only had room in his heart for her. She had asked him again just before he died...only this time she had enquired just that little bit more.

_FLASHBACK_

_"Daddy..." she asked walking up to the side of the bed and placing her hand on his arm. His eyes opened and he looked up at her, he couldn't help but see her mother in those eyes of hers. He smiled gently almost remembereing the days when it would be her mother he woke up to... but that was a long time ago. Before they had their daughter, before she ran. He sat up slowly, pulling the covers around his waist and patting the empty space next to him, motioning for her to join him. She sat next to him on the bed, her head falling onto his chest and her arms wrapping around him. He kissed the top of her and stroked her waist length hair, remembering how she hadn't climbed next to him since she was 11. _

_"Daddy..." she began again "...Why didn't you ever get remarried? I mean, why didn't you ever find someone else, after mom left?" She looked up at him and saw he had tears in her eyes, this question always made him emotional... or maybe it was the treatment. She hugged herself into his weak body and let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry Daddy... i didn't mean to..."_

_"I couldn't..." He spoke up. His hands resting now, one around her waist tightly and the other on the top of her head. "...I guess, i never loved anyone as much as i love your mom, I never thought about anyone else but her"_

_"But you could have been happy, with someone else" she told him her mind telling her she already knew what his reply to this statement would be._

_"I am happy sweetheart, I was happy even after your mom left... because she didn't leave me alone. I have you, you are the most important, amazing thing in my life and i'm so glad that i have you. I love you baby... always" He lowered his head, his eyes now drooping with tiredness. She looked up and saw that his body was beginning to shut down. He was way too sick for them to carry on their conversation. She stood up and watched him slide further down the bed. Pulling the covers up over him, she felt so strange knowing how much their roles had changed in the past few years. She watched his eyelids close over and his shaloow breathing indicated that he was asleep. She smiled and knelt down beside him, her hand finding his face aged with illness, not with time._

_I remember you used to tuck me in, strange the way things change isn't it..." he voice barely a whisper. She was talking to herself but she didn't mid. It made it easier for her to say what she was going to say. She knew if she said it while he was awake she'd find it hard to keep from crying. She reached out and grabbed his hand, her fingers mixing with his she felt a familiar sensation she hadn't felt since she was a little girl. "... I remember this too... I'm so scared daddy i don't want you to go, but i can't watch you suffer anymore. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry" she told him. The inevitable tears streaming down her face. She pulled herself to her feet and looked down at her father. He looked so peaceful, so at rest. It had been along time since she had seen him like that. She smiled and wiped her hand away with the sleeve of her grey hoodie she was wearing. She smiled and slid herself back onto the bed next to him. Her arms wrapping around his waist and her head on his slow rising chest. She listened intently knowing that it would happen soon. He head rose up and down slowly, then just as she predicted her head ceased to move. She waited for a while, holding her breath to make sure she wasn't mistaken. She wasn't, he'd gone. She snuggled her head into his body, her own shaking uncontrollaly from the tears she was now letting run free. He was gone and she had to live with it... she'd done as he asked. Understood he was never going to get better, and at sixteen years old she had done something she never thought she'd do. She killed her father... Helped him... Euthanasia...there was no other way to decribe it in her mind, she had killed her father. The only person she ever wanted in her life had left. Now she was alone. Sixteen years old and alone in the world...She raised her head to meet his, her tears falling onto his cheeks, she raised her hands to wipe them away. She smiled knowing that at least wherever he was he was happy, and he wasn't suffering. She lay a kiss on his forehead, paying him back for all those he gave her over the years, and for all those she should have given him. She closed her eyes and whispered into the sky " I love you too Daddy... always" knowing that wherever he was, he was watching over her._

She walked towards the stage where a few people stood, name tags displaying the names of people she had heard mentioned. She looked around, hoping to see if she could find Hurley. Her father had spoken highly of him, said that in those days he had been his best friend. She hoped to find him, and let him know of her fathers passing. She looked around, to her right a Korean couple and their daughter stood, name tags telling her that they were called Sun, Jin and Kym. To her left a woman and a blonde man stood, not together, but together in way. Lovers tiff she thought and moved on, their name tags read Kate and James not Hurley... they were of no interest to her. She reached the stage and saw a large man wearing a Hawaiian Shirt, his curly hair and friendly nature portraying him as the man her father had talked about. She looked at his tag and seeing the name it read she walked up to him.

"Excuse me sir..." she said, her hand patting him on the shoulder. He turned around and looked her in the eyes. He smiled when he saw her as if he knew her. "...um sir, I hear you knew my father".

Hurley looked at this girl standing infront of him, he knew her alright... he knew her and her father. "Yeah i know your dad, i remeber you too... Faith right?"

"Yeah..." she answered a little taken back by how he knew her. She didn't remember meeting him, never... she knew she would have remembered that. "...um well,"

"Hey is he here, Where is he?" He said anxiously, looking over her head and aorund to see if there was any sign of him. He stopped looking when he say the tears welling up in the girls eyes. "Hey... whats wrong Faith?... Is your dad okay?"

"He's... um... He erm, He died a month ago. He was really ill, he had been for a year. He had Cancer, it took him" She lied through her teeth, he did have cancer, it had attacked him, but it hadn't taken him... it didn't get that chance to. She had done that. He had asked for her help, and being the doting daughter she was. Worshipping him the way she did, she'd have moved the world if he'd have asked her to. Before she could get the chance to talk to him further, he had grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. The tears coming from her were now reflected in his eye. They just stood there in the middle of the room, holding each other. It was the first human contact she had felt since the funeral. She didn't know how to react. Her arms limp at her sides, her black waist length hair hanging lank over her fave she felt herself relax into the hug he had taken her in. It felt so strange and yet so right. Like she was meant to be here.

They broke apart and their eyes locked, both conveying the same sadness at the loss of someone they both cared about. He grabbed her by the hand and led her on stage. Standing infront of the mic he began to talk. She watched as the entire room fell silent at the sight of him. She couldn't help but feel her eyes widen and her hands rose to her face to wipe away the marks her tears had left.

"Um guys, i have some sad news. Um... Its about Jack. This..." he said reaching out once more and wrapping his arm around her shulder "...this is his daughter. He um... " Hurley suddenly broke down again. Faith stepped forward and stood infront of the mic, Hurleys arm slipping from her shoulder and finding her fingers.

"Um... I just thought you all shuld know..." she spoke to the mass of people who's eyes were now fixed on her. Some showing sadness already, tohers looking confused. "... My father... Jack Shephard he passed away a month ago. He um... he had cancer. He told me stories when i was a little girl. Told me about the island, about you all. He told me how you all came together in a place where everyone was alone. He told me that if it wasn't for the friends he made he wouldn't have survived... and he swore that the best thing that came from that island was me...He wasn't in any pain when he passed... He just... fell asleep. He would have wanted to see you all one last time, I'm here to let you all know that" She stepped back from the mic. Her hand came to her face and wiped at the tears that had escaped her during her speech. The room was still silent, a few people had embraced when the news reached them, a few people had cried. Faith walked off the stage, Hurleys hand still in hers. She hadn't reached the bottom steps before the woman and blonde haired man approached her.

The man held out his hand to Faith, she shook it with her own as he admitted his sympathy for her loss. The woman however just stood by, her eyes on the floor. Faith noticed that this woman looked confused and sad. Her brown curly hair covering her eyes and her face.

"Did you know my father?" She asked the woman, not knowing what to expect. The woman looked up shocked at being adressed and nodded her head slowly. No words came from her mouth. She was obviously very upset at hearing what she had. Faith just nodded and smiled. She didn't know why, but she felt something about this woman. Like she had met her before. Curiosity got the better of her. "I'm sorry to ask you this but, Have we met before?" The womans eyes widened as if to answer Faiths question. Faith looked at her hopefully, but the woman shook her head slowly.

"I don't even know know your name" she admitted, her voice was hoarse and shaky like she had been shouting. Faith held out her hand to the woman.

"I'm Faith, Faith Jatelyn ..." the woman took the girls hand in her own and the warmth they both felt made them smile.

"Nice to meet you Faith... I'm..."

"...Kate" Faith answered, Kate looked at her her eyes asking how she knew about her. Had Jack told her?... Did she know? He had promised her she would never know? She didn't need to know... she didn't need to know.

As if reading her mind Faith pointed to the nametag that was pinned to the womans top. Feeling relieved Kate continued to

Faith looked into the eyes of this woman and had a feeling that she was lying when she said they had never met. If they hadn't met, howcome her touch felt so familiar? How come in her eyes she saw her own? It caused her mind to spin when it finally hit her, and everything fell into place. She wasn't looking inot the eyes of jut any woman who kne wfather, she was looking into the eyes of the woman who had held her fathers heart until the end.

She was looking into the eyes of her mother.

_**Okay i know i said this was a one shot, but if you want more i will do more! Just review and let me know XxXxX**_


	2. Lie To Me

**Okay this is an update that has taken a while to come out of my head and onto the page, I hope you enjoy it.**

Faith let out a deep breath and tucked a stray curl behind her ear watching with a new interest as the woman in front of her smiled that same smile she found on each one of her school photographs. They walked slowly outside, neither one talking for fear of saying something that would spoil the moment, Faith glad to finally put a face to the stories her father had told her, and Kate finally happy to meet her daughter in person.

"I'm sorry about your father..." Kate spoke up, watching the way her daughters eyes widened at the mention of Jack and the way she pulled her sleeves up over her hands.

"My dad..." Faith interjected, staring at the moonlit sky, remembering all the times she had watched this with him "... we never used that word, anyone can be father it takes someone special to be a dad..."

"He was special...he helped alot of people, saved alot of lives..." Kate started, only to be intterupted again.

"You held me right?..." Faith asked, her eyes now searching Kates as if looking for an answer she already knew.

"Excuse me?" Kate asked, playing dumb. She had no idea that her little girl was just as smart as her father and knew that she was pretending. Faith took a step towards Kate and rocked herself abck and forth on the balls of her feet.

"You held me... Kissed me... told me you loved me maybe, before you left me, before you left us?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Kate denied shaking her head. Faith looked at her wishing she would drop this game she was playing and finally own up to what Faith knew was true.

"Don't... it's hard enough asking you this knowing that for 16 years I always knew the answers"

"I don't know what to say..." Kate admitted, her hands wiping away the stray tears that had fallen down her face.

"Lie to me... please. Tell me you never wanted to leave but you had to, tell me what you loved me more than anything but you knew I'd be better off with my dad... tell me.."

"I think we'd better go outside... I know this must he hard for you Faith, losing him..."

Faith shook her head and stepped back slowly, "No... you don't know anything..."

"We all lost him..." Kate tried, stepping foward and reaching out for her daughter. Her daughter... it sounded almost too real.

"So you admit it?"

"Yes... I do, I lost him too"

"You left us... you left us for him?" Faith stated rather than asked, motioning towards the hall where they had left Sawyer moments ago.

"I had to, you didn't need me in your life"

"You should have let me decide that..."

"I'm not a good person Faith I'm not like you and your father, I'm not good... We're different people you and I., I have done some things i'm ashamed of, some bad things..."

"Yeah like leaving your daughter,, your family... running away from a man who loved you until the end..."

"I had my reasons" Kate hid her face in the tangled curls that she had once been so proud of, now she wore them like a mask, used them to hide her feelings, to help her avoide any kind of eye contact for any kind of contact would lead to emotions she no longer knew how to deal with.

"Like what?... What did you do that was so bad 'Kate'?..." she spat, her ahdns on her hips and a defiant look in her eyes.

"You really want to know?..."

"Yeah I do... I think you owe me that..." Faith shouted, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation.

"I killed my father..." Kate admitted, running her hands through her hair, then clutching her stomach as if she needed to be sick at finally admitting this. Faith looked into her eyes and shook her head before swallowing, a tear rolling down her cheek as she tried to shake away the thoughts of what she had done. She took a step back and whispered something before she began to walk away.

"I guess we're not so different after all..."

**Please Review... Please XxXx**


End file.
